When I format my reviews, I make sure I follow all the rules of "critiquing" I try not to just bash said film, or go off the loop on how crazy-cool it was. However, there are some things that really pull out my demons, primarily a retaliation to critics who have disagreed with my review.
Opening Statement: This is where I give a general idea of what the story is about.
What's Bad: This is where I critique the film, for the areas it needed improvement.
Consensus: This is where I sum up the entire review in a sentence, or paragraph.
Easy format, but after the "What's Bad" section I will now be adding "The Rant" where I really get heated and discuss certain critics "wrong acts" of criticism. Or I just rant about the film in general, if a great director makes a bad film, I will rant on how angry I am that they had such potential and squandered it away.
The Human Centipede
There aren’t many films like The Human Centipede, actually I would go out of my way to say there are no films like it. My fairly positive review didn’t necessarily come from the originality of Sixx’s production, but from his execution and how he handled his project. The Human Centipede was criticized, with some pretty negative reviews, for achieving what it wanted to achieve. I understand the general public will not enjoy how sick and sadistic this film gets at times. But this isn’t for a general public, but for the horror movie buffs, who like the underground gross-out fun. The Human Centipede succeeds to its target audience, which is why as a movie critic, I see how it handled itself with its target audience, which it did very well.
I Love You, Phillip Morris
I Love You, Phillip Morris starring Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor hasn’t technically been released yet, but it has been screened already by various critics. Phillip Morris cause a sort of outrage for being inappropriate. However, the inappropriate-ness I seen in the film wasn’t all too vulgar, even though it was strictly for comedy. The criticism with the film lied in how it delieverd itself, some audience are angered (shocked) about the whole gay sex issue, and some may never look at Carrey the same again, however in this film he delivers at Oscar level, when a straight actor loves and respects his career enough to transform into a homosexual character who performs sexual acts with other men. That is dedication, and that is why I love you Jim Carrey. As far as the execution of Phillip Morris, it takes a lot of deep understanding of Stephen Russell, almost as a character study. This is a true story, so it was rough around the edges when told through cinematic imagery. But this film maintains every scene, so that it has a certain purpose. Pay close attention to the concept.
Toy Story 3
Everybody loved Toy Story 3, any negative review article I read was a critic desperate for attention. I actually saw Armond White criticize this film for commercialism. Ok, so we have a Mr. Potato Head and other toys that have been for sale, looking at it this way Toy Story has a lot of commercialism, but it NEVER once throws it in our face. The fact that we are familiar with some of these toys, like Barbie and Ken, before this film was created only adds to the humor. Barbie needs no help in selling itself, Toy Story used Barbie as comic relief from its pretty serious storyline. Well used.
Cyrus
Cyrus, for me, worked as a painting. Everyone who stares at it gets something different out of it. The problem people had with Cyrus was strictly that Hill and Reilly weren’t doing there “screaming” comedy routine. Don’t get me wrong there “up front” comedy style is classic. You can’t label in actor under any circumstance, and criticize them for not acting to YOUR expectations. Cyrus is a much much deeper film, of course its concept sounds set up for slapstick fun. Negative reviews also stated that it was typical dramedy material. Of course in the past couple years we have burdened ourselves with dramdies, in the indie circuit. But Cyrus brings to the plate, more humor and more drama than the average dramedy. I performs above and beyond, and takes some thought process to understand these complex characters. Great Film.
Greenberg
Greenberg, is one I have been wanting to rant about. All the negative criticism I saw for this film was aimed completely wrong. Greenberg stars Ben Stiller as Roger Greenberg, now here is what critics had a problem with, that character. Reviews stated that they couldn’t come to like Roger Greenberg, that he was arrogant. Well, he is. Pay attention to the film next time, maybe absorb the message more, and realize…THAT WAS THE POINT! Greenberg is a character study on a very pompous man (much like the critics who bashed it). Roger is not really coming to himself, he is self-centered always wondering why things aren’t better for HIM. Baumbach did self-centered in the past with The Squid and the Whale. All his films are character studies, in Greenberg we need to examine Roger Greenberg and the jerk he is, and eventually [spoilers] he gains more perspective to himself, it is hard to understand because the film goes against basic storytelling guidelines (rising action, climax, falling action) it is shooting for a more realistic manner and when studied in the right light you realize this is a very poetic tale, about a man with social problems overcoming himself.
Kick-Ass
This one will be fun too. Kick-Ass is still my favorite film of 2010. It is not every day a mainstream action flick woes me. All the negative reviews say one thing “Too violent, little girls shouldn’t cuss” Welcome to the world, wait…you don’t even have to come into the world. You give Pulp Fiction positive reviews and its brutally violent, and the little girl only says 5 or 6 cuss words in the whole movie, and it is for the sake of humor…and it is FUCKING funny. Chloe Mentz is an actress, she does her job adapting Hit Girl very very well. It is sad that a film that has as beautiful cinematography, great action sequences, funny jokes, and a surprising dramatic depth to it, is not getting ANY acknowledgment for the good things just “the violence.” You are reviewing this movie to the target audience, which is the mainstream adult audience. Not for yourself as a parent, you are not the MPAA you are a movie critic.
Iron Man 2
I got some hate for my 2/5 review on this one, but it completely deserved it. This film actually got very very good reviews, but for all the wrong reasons. Some critics gave it praise using my justifiable reason. “It did exactly what it wanted to do” That is fine, but sometimes what the creators want from there film is wrong. What I felt the wanted from Iron Man 2 was my money, frankly I was surprised it wasn’t in 3D. The first Iron Man was great, I am not going to compare the two, however Iron Man had heart to it, that shows us what this crew is capable of. This is how I can tell they were selling out and not just trying to give us “fun action” You can read my review the literal problems I had with it. Iron Man 2 was a waste of my time, and a wasted talent from the cast.
Shrek: Forever After
I was pretty clear in my review why Shrek is bad, I also explained where critics were going wrong. Critics are a lot like some audiences though, trying to find the best in this series because they were the ones who turned the first Shrek into a classic. Dreamworks obviously wanted money with the 3rd installment now this one as well. And they achieved that goal very nicely. However a crew that lacks that much respect for an audience, doesn’t fly by me. I am still very disappointed with the Shrek franchise. Should’ve left it at one.
Alice in Wonderland
Another fairly well-reviewed film I hated. And damn, I HATED this film. Tim Burton is so talented but he is a sell-out now, like brutally a sell-out. Alice in Wonderland doesn’t even try, they are selling a Tim Burton creativity that I cannot see. He makes something colorful and puts something that doesn’t belong somewhere in one sequence and calls it art? Self-proclaimed art!? So arrogant. Not to mention the advertising of Johnny Depp as The Mad Hatter. The ending sequence when he starts dancing, is the most pathetic attempt at humor I have EVER seen. Also the red queen constantly making a catch phrase from saying “off with their head!” Are you serious!? Can anyone stand up and tell me they thought that was funny. Tim Burton doesn’t do well with adaptations. Big Fish is one of his best of all time however. We all know Burton can do great things, it is so sad to see his imaginative mind has become an egotistical greedy one.
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
I have been called biased, because I liked the video game series. Well, I am PRETTY sure they were trying to appeal to me as well. I gave Persia a 3/5 for being a nice “fun action” movie. There is that term again “fun action” Disney usually brings that stuff in garbage bags. I liked Prince of Persia a lot, of course the potential surpasses the result. Prince of Persia however explored a more complex type of action, involving parkor and swashbuckling. Of course, the magic sequences were kind of phony. This is action I enjoy, the kind that is choreographed with the audience in mind, Prince of Persia shows now ego. I enjoyed it very much.
Clash of the Titans
I probably would’ve loved not only this, but many other films more, if it weren’t for 3D conversion. 3D is bad enough when a movie is made for it. However Clash of the Titans, judging it minus the 3D, pretty does what it wants to do, action-wise. Unfortunately it is not entertaining. This is a good example of a rushed film. Whenever you are going to adapt someones great creation, whether it be film, book, play you should treat it much better than the crew treated this source material.
Remember Me
Back to bashing criticism. The thing that gave Remember Me its downfall, is its replay value, and the disastorous ending twist. Now take that ending twist and put it into more prespective, it really wasn’t there just to be there. Remember Me deals with various emotions, including loss. Pattinson’s character is a juvenile, and he is an uneven relationship with his father. This film is about relationships with others and the impact death and loss have. It deserved more than what it got critically.
Valentine’s Day
I feel like I’m wasting typing strength on this one, my review explained a lot of it. The reason I am mentioning it now is that, I chose to see this film, I didn’t have to, but I chose too because I was told that it was different than other romantic comedies, that it actually get pretty sad. It didn’t, actually during the conflict between a lot of these relationships you actually think the movie is going somewhere unique, but in the end it is as artificial as a Hallmark box of candies, only without the sweet part.
Cop Out
I thought it was funny because I follow Kevin Smith on twitter, and he went on this huge rant once critics gave him negative reviews for this, truly unfunny comedy. I can see where he is coming from, the worst critically he has done is Mallrats and that is still a classic, and I love every Smith film, except this one. It’s not smart-funny nor is it incredibly stupid-funny. It is simply bland and dry, and long. To think of all the wasted potential is painful. I love you Kevin Smith, and I am still rooting for you. Learn from your mistakes and move on!
Jonah Hex
When Jonah Hex sacrificed its R rating and cut itself to an hour and 12 minutes….that was a problem. The biggest marketing campaign here is a sexy western Megan Fox. She doesn’t do much “sexiness” here, she is actually barely in the movie. I don’t see Jonah Hex as wasted potential though, I see it as a rushed film, by people who could care less about the source material, and at times it feels they don’t even care if they make money or not…they just got bored making it and through shit together. Very unprofessional filmmaking is showed here.
The Last Airbender
The Last Airbender is no where near good, however I wouldn’t call it bad either. You can tell Shyamalan really tried with this one. He may have lost his touched, but he has crazy ambition, and I respect that. Airbender fans won’t like this at all, and it’s understandable since they messed all the character names up. Critics hated it for the acting primarily, it saddens me that a bunch of pompous critics are sitting behind a desk trash talking first time children actors who are given main character roles. Shyamalan had to find a very specific looking person for the role of Aang. I will never understand the significantly low review for this film, It may not be worth time or money, but you can do much much MUCH worse.
